Halloween in two homes: who takes the kids trick-or-treating?

Halloween sneaks up on families in two homes. It isn't a big travel holiday like Thanksgiving, so it rarely gets planned in advance. Then, a week before, someone asks: who's taking the kids trick-or-treating? And nobody is sure.

Is Halloween even in your order?

Many custody orders list Thanksgiving, Christmas and spring break, then stop. Halloween often isn't named at all. When it isn't, the night simply follows the regular schedule: whoever normally has the kids that day has Halloween.

Some orders do mention it, usually in one of these ways:

• Every year to the same home, often for a few evening hours.
• Even and odd years, switching homes like the bigger holidays.
• A set window, like 5 to 9 p.m., with the kids going back to the regular home to sleep.

Read yours before you make plans. Whatever this article says, your own order is what counts.

Know the night before the kids ask

Kids start talking costumes in September. The easiest way to keep the season calm is to know early whose night it is. Look at your calendar for October 31 and check two things:

1. Which home has the kids that evening. On a weekday, this is usually a regular school night.
2. Which home has them the next morning. Halloween often ends with a sugar crash and an early school bell. Whoever does the morning handles the tired kids.

In KidNights, your calendar shows who has the kids each night, so the answer is one tap away. If you share your family link, grandparents can see it too and stop asking.

When it's not your year

Missing Halloween stings, especially when the kids are little. A few ways to still be part of it:

• Help with the costume. Shopping, sewing or painting a face the weekend before counts.
• Carve pumpkins on your time. Do it on your last weekend in October. The pumpkin can travel with them.
• Ask for a photo. A quick picture of the costume at the door means a lot. Most parents are happy to send one.
• Have a second Halloween. A movie night with a candy bowl on your next weekend is a real celebration to a kid.

Kids love a second party. The same idea works for birthdays, too: see How to plan a birthday party when the kids live in two homes.

When both homes want the night

Some families share Halloween, and it can work well when the two homes live close and get along:

• Split the night. One parent does the early round in one neighborhood, the other does a later round, and the kids sleep at the home that has the night.
• Trick-or-treat together. Some co-parents walk the street as one group. Only do this if it stays calm for the kids.
• Trade it. If both homes agree to swap the evening this year, put it in writing so nobody remembers it differently.

In KidNights, a one-time swap goes in Change schedule. Pick the kid, choose Something else, pick the night and save. Your regular schedule stays the same underneath, and you can Undo the change.

Halloween in a blended family

If your house has kids on two different orders, Halloween can look different for each of them. Your kids might be home while your stepkids are at their other house. Plan for the kids who are with you, and save a small treat for the ones who aren't, like a bag of their favorite candy waiting on their bed.

When everyone is home the weekend before, make that your family Halloween: pumpkins, a scary movie, a costume parade in the living room. For more on blended family schedules, read Blended family 101: two sets of kids, two schedules.

A simple Halloween checklist

• Check the calendar for October 31 and the morning after.
• Agree on costumes so the kids don't need two of everything.
• Settle the candy rules both homes can live with.
• Plan the handoff time if the night is split.
• Save one photo for the parent who isn't there.